Exercise. To some, it is an enemy; to others, it is their best friend. Or, if you are like me, you and exercise share a love/hate relationship. I love the exhiliration and satisfaction, the thrill of victory, that accompanies the completion of an exercise session and I love the positive effects it has on my body and mind, but exercise and I didn't always share a love/hate relationship. We were best friends growing up, somewhat enemies in college (when I gained the notorious "freshman 15"), then best friends again when I took up running and shed the weight. The Bible describes exercise in this way: "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come" (1 Timothy 4:8). Let's stop there a second and draw some conclusions from that verse. This verse is found in a letter Paul writes to Timothy, whom Paul calls his "true son in the faith" (1 Tim. 1:2). He disciples Timothy by giving suggestions for living a life that pleases God. First, in the sentence prior, Paul encourages Timothy to "have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly" (1 Tim. 4:7). Therefore, he implies that we should put more effort into becoming godly, meaning living a life of love, holiness, and righteousness, than we should in becoming in good physical shape. Secondly, Paul does not say that exercise is bad. There is "some value" in physical exercise, but it must hold its proper place in our lives, and for me, I've recently discovered, there is a fine line that keeps it from becoming an idol. When I allow exercise to cross the line and become a higher priority and focus than God, my family, or others, that's when I experience the most strife. Thirdly, godliness produces eternal results. My looks, health, physical condition, and earthly body will pass away, but my relationship with God and the legacy I leave for my family will last forever. So, on which one should I focus my concentration and effort?
Earlier in my post, I confessed to having a love/hate relationship with exercise. I loved it growing up; I always looked forward to practices and games alike. It was something I was decent at, had fun with, and it offered an escape from my everyday world. However, during the time I gained weight in college, topping the scale at the heaviest poundage in my life, I did not enjoy exercise because it was more difficult, obviously. I didn't look forward to it because I couldn't keep up with the pace I was used to. Then, the last two or three years of college were so stressful for me that I found running to be relaxing, enjoying, and freeing. It was a time when my mind could wonder, I could enjoy the outdoors, and I could pour my heart out to God. Coupled with my daily Bible reading times, I really believe that is where God truly became my best friend. And I shed the 15 pounds, which made me feel great! I was more comfortable with myself, altered my wardrobe to "fit" my new body, and gained more confidence. Then, I graduated college and began to work full time, teaching high school students English. The demands of a new job, especially a teaching job, were great and I definitely needed a release in the afternoons, so I kept running. I still enjoyed it, looked forward to it, and felt great afterward. I never seemed to tire. I felt like I could run forever. However, two short months after I began teaching, God rocked my world with one of the greatest blessings He has ever entrusted me with--He placed the man who would become my husband in my life. That shook up my world. I had lived with a self-centered mentality for so long, this was the next step God had for me, the next step in becoming more like Him. When I got married, I still ran. I made it a point to fit it in my schedule, even if it meant sacrificing time with my new husband. I was addicted to it. Eventually, I "hit a wall." I got burned out. We had bought a house that we planned to flip, so among renovating a house, teaching full-time, coaching part time, running, and my daily devotions with God, where was time for my husband?
I remember telling him I was going out for a run one summer evening. I got dressed, laced up my shoes, put my mp3 player on, and headed out the door, only to turn around a few steps later and return to our bedroom. I sat on the bed and said the words out loud that I didn't enjoy running any more and hadn't for some time. I didn't want to admit that because running had become part of my identity. And if I stopped running, would I gain weight again and become obese? I had an unhealthy obesession and an unhealthy fear. Running was healthy, but the place it held in my life was not. So, I did what any level-headed, strong, independent woman would do--I cried on my husband's shoulder. His response was very clear-cut and straight-forward. He said, "then don't run." He clearly didn't understand; I was confident with my body for the first time in my life and I wanted to hold on to it. I was so determined to not let myself gain weight that I would sacrifice time with my family to go for a run. I think I knew eventually I couldn't keep it up.
However, it was not until recently, just in the past few months, that God has really exposed this weakness and area of idolatry in my life. Exercise is good, yes, but not at the expense of my relationship with Him or my family, or my neighbors and friends for that matter. With all the blessings God has poured on me, my husband, a house, sweet neighbors, a daughter, etc., something must give if I am completely honest with myself and am living according to God's priorities instead of the world's. They deserve the best of me and that means allowing God to pour Himself into my life and then pouring it out on them in return. Some people won't agree, and you might not agree. People say all the time that women have to put themselves first so their health won't lack, but I know that my God, in the book of Matthew, says to "seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." That is contrary to the world's way of thinking, but it's the truth. When I put God first in my life and the values He wants me to put before myself, I don't struggle with my weight. What good does it do for me to wear a size 6 (or smaller), if I am doing nothing for the kingdom of God? The Word also tells me that it is not exercise that prolongs my life, but a reverent fear of God and the pursuit of righteousness and godly wisdom. Based on my own experiences, it doesn't matter how much I try to control my weight and exercise, I can't and even if I could, that is not what matters in this world. I am currently fasting from exercise and will continue to do so as I seek God and until I know that it will not carry a heavier weight than God in my life. I love God's promise in Isaiah when He says, " 'You are my witnesses,' declares the Lord, 'and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am he. Before me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me. I, even I, am the Lord, and apart from me there is no savior" (Isaiah 43:10-11). The Lord is my God; I will have no other gods before Him. My purpose on this earth is to "know and believe Him and understand that He is" Lord, my everything, my Savior. To that end, I am definitely an advocate for exercise, but I know, for me, that I can easily get entangled in the snares of having a certain body image and giving everything I have toward that goal, instead of toward God.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
Prayer and Trust
Have you ever heard people say, "Well, I guess all we can do now is pray"? It drives me crazy when I hear someone say that. I go crazy because we are so used to relying on ourselves (a false sense of security) that, in one statement, we completely undermine the power, nature, and character of God. God--the Omnipotent, Omniscient, Omnipresent Creator of the universe; He has all the power, so why is prayer our last resort? It's like we can't do anything else to better the situation, so we'll just let Him have it, but then we don't really let Him have it. We pray about something, then take it back; we give it to Him, then worry about it again. Do we not really believe 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you?" The irony in the statement, "well, I guess all we can do now is pray" is the implication that we have done all we can first, as if we were really in control anyway. We are NOT in control. Circumstances, accidents, situations, and trials happen regardless of how careful, watchful, or prepared we think we are. It doesn't matter how much we worry, plan, or try to anticipate life's curveballs; there will always be things out of our control.
Some time before the 2012 Presidential election, a woman who professes to be a Christ-follower shared her worries with me about who would be elected to lead our nation. She listed worry after worry, and when she was finished, I told her she needed to pray for our future President and give her worries to God. She lowered her head and answered, rather dejectedly and with disappointment in her voice, "I have prayed." Then, I knew the reason she was listing all of her worries--she was still holding on to them, as if her worry would stop them from happening. She had "prayed" about it, but did not trust God to carry them for her, nor did she trust His plan. As our conversation continued, I realized more truth about her. She did not trust God's Word when He says in Romans that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose." She thought that her ways were better than God's and that if her plan did not blossom, then all hope would be lost; her faith in God would diminish because He didn't grant her prayers.
The issue is that the woman never had true faith. Hebrews describes faith as "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." We are certain of what we do NOT see, that is faith. If we see first, then where is our faith? If prayer was our number one plan each day, God could do amazing things through us. If we would sit back, let Him drive, and trust Him to get us to the destination He desires, the blessings and miracles that would occur through us would be limitless.
In John, chapter 10, Jesus describes our relationship with Him, our Shepherd, this way: "The watchman opens the gate for him [Jesus], and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." The problem is that many of us don't know our Shepherd's voice. We don't recognize it because we don't know what we're listening for. We haven't spent time in His Word, in prayer, and in Christian growth with fellow believers to learn His character. We haven't let go and let Jesus Christ romance us. We can't expect to send up a 911 prayer and hear a clear answer. If we don't walk with him on a daily basis, then we're not going to know His voice when He tries to help us. He will be like a stranger to us and we will run away from Him Who is trying to lead us to safer ground. When we do spend time with God each day, digging into His Word and learning from and about Him, we must believe what He says. We must have faith that His Word is true, because it is, and let the truths we learn about His character shape our way of thinking, our attitudes, our speech, and our actions.
Some of us also have sin standing in the way of our prayers. Isaiah, chapter 59, verses 1-2 states that "Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you so that he will not hear." God is perfect, holy, and righteous. He will not hear us if sin is standing between us and God. He wants us to "confess our sins" so that he can "forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). We have no excuse for our prayers not to be heard. If we walk with Him daily, trust in His Word, and confess our sins to Him always (He knows them anyway), we could do powerful things. James says that "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 1:19b).
So, we need to pray FIRST and ALWAYS. We need to pray first in our day and throughout our day, talking to God about everything as we encounter each new situation that comes our way, the little and big things. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 commands us to "pray continually" and James (1:5) directs that "if any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." The problem with our prayers shows up in verses 6-7 of the same passage in James. He goes on to say that "but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." Consequently, not only do we need to pray first and always, but we need to trust and believe that God will do what is best and have faith that His plan is perfect, because it is. Then, if the situation we have been praying about doesn't turn out like we hoped, we should "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Some time before the 2012 Presidential election, a woman who professes to be a Christ-follower shared her worries with me about who would be elected to lead our nation. She listed worry after worry, and when she was finished, I told her she needed to pray for our future President and give her worries to God. She lowered her head and answered, rather dejectedly and with disappointment in her voice, "I have prayed." Then, I knew the reason she was listing all of her worries--she was still holding on to them, as if her worry would stop them from happening. She had "prayed" about it, but did not trust God to carry them for her, nor did she trust His plan. As our conversation continued, I realized more truth about her. She did not trust God's Word when He says in Romans that "in all things, God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose." She thought that her ways were better than God's and that if her plan did not blossom, then all hope would be lost; her faith in God would diminish because He didn't grant her prayers.
The issue is that the woman never had true faith. Hebrews describes faith as "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." We are certain of what we do NOT see, that is faith. If we see first, then where is our faith? If prayer was our number one plan each day, God could do amazing things through us. If we would sit back, let Him drive, and trust Him to get us to the destination He desires, the blessings and miracles that would occur through us would be limitless.
In John, chapter 10, Jesus describes our relationship with Him, our Shepherd, this way: "The watchman opens the gate for him [Jesus], and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." The problem is that many of us don't know our Shepherd's voice. We don't recognize it because we don't know what we're listening for. We haven't spent time in His Word, in prayer, and in Christian growth with fellow believers to learn His character. We haven't let go and let Jesus Christ romance us. We can't expect to send up a 911 prayer and hear a clear answer. If we don't walk with him on a daily basis, then we're not going to know His voice when He tries to help us. He will be like a stranger to us and we will run away from Him Who is trying to lead us to safer ground. When we do spend time with God each day, digging into His Word and learning from and about Him, we must believe what He says. We must have faith that His Word is true, because it is, and let the truths we learn about His character shape our way of thinking, our attitudes, our speech, and our actions.
Some of us also have sin standing in the way of our prayers. Isaiah, chapter 59, verses 1-2 states that "Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you so that he will not hear." God is perfect, holy, and righteous. He will not hear us if sin is standing between us and God. He wants us to "confess our sins" so that he can "forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). We have no excuse for our prayers not to be heard. If we walk with Him daily, trust in His Word, and confess our sins to Him always (He knows them anyway), we could do powerful things. James says that "the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective" (James 1:19b).
So, we need to pray FIRST and ALWAYS. We need to pray first in our day and throughout our day, talking to God about everything as we encounter each new situation that comes our way, the little and big things. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 commands us to "pray continually" and James (1:5) directs that "if any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." The problem with our prayers shows up in verses 6-7 of the same passage in James. He goes on to say that "but when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." Consequently, not only do we need to pray first and always, but we need to trust and believe that God will do what is best and have faith that His plan is perfect, because it is. Then, if the situation we have been praying about doesn't turn out like we hoped, we should "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Kill 'Em with Kindness
Most people's natural reaction to someone who offends them in some way is to show them hatred. We tend to give them the cold shoulder, say rude or derogatory comments toward them, or do hateful things to the person who offended us. Are any of those things going to cause that person to wake up one morning and think, I am really sorry I hurt that person. I never should have done those things. Look at the way they have been treating me; I must have really messed up. No way! At least not in my experience, and not with most people. I am sure there is an exception somewhere, but most people are going to fight back, or not fight at all, fight or flight. If we are rude or hateful toward someone, they are either going to come out swinging, or run away and neither reaction is the one we truly want to elicit.
Usually, when we are hurt, we want the other person to apologize, to realize and admit they were wrong, and make it right with us. I have often heard the phrase "Kill 'em with kindness" used to illustrate how we should treat others who we consider to be our enemies. While I understand the kindness part, the whole "kill 'em" part doesn't seem so biblical. I don't think Jesus wants us to be kind to someone just so they will realize that they did us wrong and come apologize to us. This life is not about us, so everything we do, as Christ followers, should be about lifting up our Lord, which means we need to react to situations that may get us riled up "in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ" (Philippians 1:27), instead of in a manner that would please our flesh. Jesus commands His followers in John 13:34-35 to "love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another." Nowhere in those statements is a malicious or selfish motive behind loving others. And Jesus made no mistakes--He did not distinguish between loving our enemies and our nonenemies. He said to "love one another"--that means everyone. After all, no one on earth is really our enemy, anyway. Ephesians tells us that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (6:12). So, then the arguments and fights we experience on earth among ourselves is just a distraction from Satan. Satan would rather us be fighting with one another because then we're not winning the spiritual battles we have the power to win and we're not experiencing victory in our walks with Christ.
This has been a lesson God has had to prove to me over and over again. I must realize that people's paradigms are different from mine, and there is always another side to a story or situation. I must not be so easily angered because the situation that would normally offend me is not one-sided. I must step into the shoes of the other person, understand that though I may not see things from their perspective, that they are probably not acting out of malice. They probably did not do the thing that upset me with the purpose of upsetting me. People usually make decisions based on what they feel is the best decision at that time with the information they have. If they offend me in the process, it was probably accidental, which is why sometimes I am the only one who is upset and it seems the other person has no idea that they even offended me. So, while I am wallowing in hurt and self-pity, the person who caused that pain hasn't thought anything about it because they didn't do it on purpose. So, I must believe that everyone means well, continue loving them in spite of what my flesh wants to do, and give the rest to God. I must trust Him with my feelings, the situation, and the outcome.
Usually, when we are hurt, we want the other person to apologize, to realize and admit they were wrong, and make it right with us. I have often heard the phrase "Kill 'em with kindness" used to illustrate how we should treat others who we consider to be our enemies. While I understand the kindness part, the whole "kill 'em" part doesn't seem so biblical. I don't think Jesus wants us to be kind to someone just so they will realize that they did us wrong and come apologize to us. This life is not about us, so everything we do, as Christ followers, should be about lifting up our Lord, which means we need to react to situations that may get us riled up "in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ" (Philippians 1:27), instead of in a manner that would please our flesh. Jesus commands His followers in John 13:34-35 to "love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another." Nowhere in those statements is a malicious or selfish motive behind loving others. And Jesus made no mistakes--He did not distinguish between loving our enemies and our nonenemies. He said to "love one another"--that means everyone. After all, no one on earth is really our enemy, anyway. Ephesians tells us that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (6:12). So, then the arguments and fights we experience on earth among ourselves is just a distraction from Satan. Satan would rather us be fighting with one another because then we're not winning the spiritual battles we have the power to win and we're not experiencing victory in our walks with Christ.
This has been a lesson God has had to prove to me over and over again. I must realize that people's paradigms are different from mine, and there is always another side to a story or situation. I must not be so easily angered because the situation that would normally offend me is not one-sided. I must step into the shoes of the other person, understand that though I may not see things from their perspective, that they are probably not acting out of malice. They probably did not do the thing that upset me with the purpose of upsetting me. People usually make decisions based on what they feel is the best decision at that time with the information they have. If they offend me in the process, it was probably accidental, which is why sometimes I am the only one who is upset and it seems the other person has no idea that they even offended me. So, while I am wallowing in hurt and self-pity, the person who caused that pain hasn't thought anything about it because they didn't do it on purpose. So, I must believe that everyone means well, continue loving them in spite of what my flesh wants to do, and give the rest to God. I must trust Him with my feelings, the situation, and the outcome.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Battlefield: Depression
For those who aren't aware of my family's story about how we moved to one income, I must pave that foundation before getting into the "meat" of this post because it is the reason we experience God's amazing provision and blessings on a daily basis, and it is the reason I am battling what I am battling today. Let me also be clear that I am speaking only from my own experiences and I am, in no way, trying to diminish or make light of any battles that we may face in life. In this blog, I only convey the lessons God teaches me from the experiences He walks me through.
First, Josh and I began praying for a way for me to stay at home with our daughter since before she was conceived. We prayed for a total of three years before we actually committed to it, blindly stepping out on faith. When we finally decided that I would not return to the classroom the following school year, we both felt the strongest conviction we had ever felt, but there was no feasible way we would survive on Josh's income. However, the conviction to move to one income was so strong that we had no doubt that was what God was asking us to do. He was asking us to step out on faith and trust Him to provide EVERYTHING we need, even though we did not know HOW He would provide. Two weeks later, He provided a job for Josh that would support our household. That was the first way we witnessed God's provision on one income and we have been experiencing it ever since. Additionally, we have been experiencing Satan's attacks on our walk of faith because he does not want it to happen because taking that step has led to a continuous growth in our faith.
I have never been clinically diagnosed as being depressed, but I experienced what I believe was a slight depression this month. I have noticed that I have experienced feeling down periodically the last couple of months, but this month was rather difficult, and I did NOT walk through it gracefully. I am so very thankful for all of the ways God provides for my family and me when we are in need, and this time He provided a loving and patient husband and my church family who cares for me deeply. I would not have had the courage to continue getting in the Word and ministering to my family and friends if they had not encouraged me.
In this particular season in my life, a lot is changing and has changed for me, so there has been a lot to get used to. I have moved from working full-time (for 6 years) to staying at home; we have moved to one income, so I don't get to experience "retail therapy" as often :); and my body has been changing, without me being able to control it. Josh and I are also in a waiting period for a couple of major life events and decisions. Consequently, I let all of that get to me this month, and my "depression" lasted about 2-3 weeks. I felt down most of the time, I couldn't see many positive things in my life, I didn't have energy to exercise, I wanted to eat foods that were bad for me all the time, I was very cranky toward my husband, and I did not want to get out of bed. I learned that all of it boiled down to taking my eyes off of Jesus. I started looking at things around me, situations and things I didn't have, instead of all the blessings God has given me. I started to lose focus of the real reason I am a SAHM, and more importantly, I started to doubt the One Whom I serve, my God Who is sovereign and knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows me so intimately and passionately and He cares about every facet of my life, and I started to doubt His plan for my life. And Satan loved it! I am sure Satan had a ball those few weeks that I was wallowing in self-pity. He knew that it would be very difficult for me to get out of the rut and he knew that as long I was in bed or moping around, then I was not ministering to my family, praying for my friends, serving my neighbors, or discipling Nora-Kate to my best ability. Praise God He led me out of that one!
With that said, I believe many women suffer from depression. Our depressions may begin with different catalysts, but they all produce a similar result: we are not being used for God's glory, and that is just what Satan wants. So, the purpose of this post is to pass on the advice of my friends and some tips that God has taught me personally during my battle with depression.
1. Reach out. We are not the only ones who have experienced depression, and there is power in prayer. Even if our friends, family, and loved ones can't do anything physically to help us, they can diligently pray for us. Prayer changes everything!
2. Get sunlight every day. Get outside, or at least open the curtains/blinds and let sunshine in the house.
3. Turn on worship music or listen to sermons via the Internet.
4. Do something nice for other people. During my depression, Nora-Kate and I served our neighbors. It was all we could do because of gas money, we were confined to our home and the neighborhood. We wanted to serve someone and do something nice for people, so we started with the people God gave us access to. Most of our neighbors are retired, and they enjoy seeing Nora-Kate on a regular basis, so they enjoyed our visits. We also made cards and baked cookies.
5. Make sure we are making time for ourselves each day, time to get in the Word and in prayer and time to do something we enjoy.
6. Ask for help when we feel overwhelmed. I asked my husband to help me around the house and my in-laws to take Nora-Kate for a few hours while I got something accomplished.
7. Exercise. Participate in a physical activity, or several physical activities, throughout the day. Nora-Kate and I would dance to praise and worship music, play outside, and/or I would run on the treadmill while she was sleeping. I also tried to think of physical games we could play together.
One of the most important things God has proven in my life is that He is always with me, that means He with me on the good days and He is with me on the ugliest days of my life. He will walk with me through every valley and always provides ways out of the valley. I just need to make sure I am doing everything I can to stay connected to Him so that I don't miss the awesome blessings He has in store for me, even blessings during the valley. Additionally, walking through the depression has taught me to appreciate EVERY blessing from God, small or big, and to take advantage of every opportunity He presents to me for fellowship, prayer, growth, or help.
If anyone has any more tips or advice for walking victoriously through a depression or to be on guard for the next time Satan brings a depression my way, please share. I want to be prepared for the next one! :)
First, Josh and I began praying for a way for me to stay at home with our daughter since before she was conceived. We prayed for a total of three years before we actually committed to it, blindly stepping out on faith. When we finally decided that I would not return to the classroom the following school year, we both felt the strongest conviction we had ever felt, but there was no feasible way we would survive on Josh's income. However, the conviction to move to one income was so strong that we had no doubt that was what God was asking us to do. He was asking us to step out on faith and trust Him to provide EVERYTHING we need, even though we did not know HOW He would provide. Two weeks later, He provided a job for Josh that would support our household. That was the first way we witnessed God's provision on one income and we have been experiencing it ever since. Additionally, we have been experiencing Satan's attacks on our walk of faith because he does not want it to happen because taking that step has led to a continuous growth in our faith.
I have never been clinically diagnosed as being depressed, but I experienced what I believe was a slight depression this month. I have noticed that I have experienced feeling down periodically the last couple of months, but this month was rather difficult, and I did NOT walk through it gracefully. I am so very thankful for all of the ways God provides for my family and me when we are in need, and this time He provided a loving and patient husband and my church family who cares for me deeply. I would not have had the courage to continue getting in the Word and ministering to my family and friends if they had not encouraged me.
In this particular season in my life, a lot is changing and has changed for me, so there has been a lot to get used to. I have moved from working full-time (for 6 years) to staying at home; we have moved to one income, so I don't get to experience "retail therapy" as often :); and my body has been changing, without me being able to control it. Josh and I are also in a waiting period for a couple of major life events and decisions. Consequently, I let all of that get to me this month, and my "depression" lasted about 2-3 weeks. I felt down most of the time, I couldn't see many positive things in my life, I didn't have energy to exercise, I wanted to eat foods that were bad for me all the time, I was very cranky toward my husband, and I did not want to get out of bed. I learned that all of it boiled down to taking my eyes off of Jesus. I started looking at things around me, situations and things I didn't have, instead of all the blessings God has given me. I started to lose focus of the real reason I am a SAHM, and more importantly, I started to doubt the One Whom I serve, my God Who is sovereign and knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows me so intimately and passionately and He cares about every facet of my life, and I started to doubt His plan for my life. And Satan loved it! I am sure Satan had a ball those few weeks that I was wallowing in self-pity. He knew that it would be very difficult for me to get out of the rut and he knew that as long I was in bed or moping around, then I was not ministering to my family, praying for my friends, serving my neighbors, or discipling Nora-Kate to my best ability. Praise God He led me out of that one!
With that said, I believe many women suffer from depression. Our depressions may begin with different catalysts, but they all produce a similar result: we are not being used for God's glory, and that is just what Satan wants. So, the purpose of this post is to pass on the advice of my friends and some tips that God has taught me personally during my battle with depression.
1. Reach out. We are not the only ones who have experienced depression, and there is power in prayer. Even if our friends, family, and loved ones can't do anything physically to help us, they can diligently pray for us. Prayer changes everything!
2. Get sunlight every day. Get outside, or at least open the curtains/blinds and let sunshine in the house.
3. Turn on worship music or listen to sermons via the Internet.
4. Do something nice for other people. During my depression, Nora-Kate and I served our neighbors. It was all we could do because of gas money, we were confined to our home and the neighborhood. We wanted to serve someone and do something nice for people, so we started with the people God gave us access to. Most of our neighbors are retired, and they enjoy seeing Nora-Kate on a regular basis, so they enjoyed our visits. We also made cards and baked cookies.
5. Make sure we are making time for ourselves each day, time to get in the Word and in prayer and time to do something we enjoy.
6. Ask for help when we feel overwhelmed. I asked my husband to help me around the house and my in-laws to take Nora-Kate for a few hours while I got something accomplished.
7. Exercise. Participate in a physical activity, or several physical activities, throughout the day. Nora-Kate and I would dance to praise and worship music, play outside, and/or I would run on the treadmill while she was sleeping. I also tried to think of physical games we could play together.
One of the most important things God has proven in my life is that He is always with me, that means He with me on the good days and He is with me on the ugliest days of my life. He will walk with me through every valley and always provides ways out of the valley. I just need to make sure I am doing everything I can to stay connected to Him so that I don't miss the awesome blessings He has in store for me, even blessings during the valley. Additionally, walking through the depression has taught me to appreciate EVERY blessing from God, small or big, and to take advantage of every opportunity He presents to me for fellowship, prayer, growth, or help.
If anyone has any more tips or advice for walking victoriously through a depression or to be on guard for the next time Satan brings a depression my way, please share. I want to be prepared for the next one! :)
Thursday, September 27, 2012
The Ultimate Hypocrisy
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [woman], I put childish ways behind me." 1 Corinthians 13:11
Besides teaching me about my speech, the other biggest lesson that God has taught me has been a seemingly simple one, to love one another. In John, Jesus commands His followers to "love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (13:34-35). For some reason, showing true, genuine, Christ-centered love for people has been difficult for me to do. Apparently, it is a difficult thing for other people to do as well, because Jesus explicitly commands us and teaches us how to do it through His Word, so I know I'm not alone. It has taken a lot of divine work on me to change my critical nature. I used to believe Satan's lies that I was "just a critical person. That was just how I was born," but God's Word tells me in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that I am a NEW creation in Christ Jesus. Praise the Lord! I do not have to live in bondage with my old sins. However, breaking the sin of a critical heart and attitude was difficult. I would say that God has been working on that since I began diligently walking with Him in December of 1999, so that means MANY days of spending time in His Word and in prayer and MANY trials and tests that have taught me how to truly love others the way Christ loves them.
Initially, it was my nature to find fault in everyone. I had heard people say that we should focus on the good in people, and not the bad, but I didn't really know what that meant and there were some people I could not see ANY good in, so I didn't know what to focus on, but that was where I was immature. That was where I talked, thought, and reasoned like a child. God has fearfully and wonderfully made each person in His image. That means that you and I were woven together with specific gifts, talents, skills, and abilities that we are to use to bring glory to His name. Some people just haven't been shown love in their lives and they haven't been brought up in the teachings of God's truth, so they believe Satan's lies and they seem to treat others any way they want, instead of in love.
So, that was my problem. Matthew describes my childish mentality this way: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (7:3-5). I was a hypocrite! The irony that I found in my attitude was that the faults and problems I saw in others were actually things that I did myself! That's why I was a hypocrite. That was a difficult truth for me to face--to clearly see the hypocrisy in my life. I hated hypocrites! (Ha ha! More irony!) When I was confronted with that fact, I knew I needed Jesus to help me and to purify my life so that I could be used by Him.
Consequently, I started to focus on my own problems, my own flaws. I started to read God's Word intently and pray for my areas of weakness. I prayed and memorized Scripture related to each weakness I had identified and recited it throughout the day. Very slowly as God changed me and helped me overcome my own areas of weakness and fault, God has shifted my paradigm. I no longer see others the way I used to see them when I was a child. I love people! I love learning about people, about their talents and skills and learning from them as well. God has created everyone so uniquely that no one else could have created us this way. God is perfect and has created each one of us to do great things in His name--He made no mistake when He made you and me.
The ultimate irony in this lesson is that when I followed the advice of Matthew to first take the plank out of my own eye before removing the speck from someone else's eye, I learned that removing the specks from other people's eyes isn't even important, nor is it what life is about. When we focus on our own planks, the specks in others' eyes get smaller and smaller. God taught me that life is about loving others through service. "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." It is not up to us to change others, but just to love them. God will change them, and if there is someone in our lives that we think needs changing, pray. Pray to God for them. We need to diligently pray for our enemies, friends, neighbors, and family, then God will show us how to show them love effectively.
Besides teaching me about my speech, the other biggest lesson that God has taught me has been a seemingly simple one, to love one another. In John, Jesus commands His followers to "love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (13:34-35). For some reason, showing true, genuine, Christ-centered love for people has been difficult for me to do. Apparently, it is a difficult thing for other people to do as well, because Jesus explicitly commands us and teaches us how to do it through His Word, so I know I'm not alone. It has taken a lot of divine work on me to change my critical nature. I used to believe Satan's lies that I was "just a critical person. That was just how I was born," but God's Word tells me in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that I am a NEW creation in Christ Jesus. Praise the Lord! I do not have to live in bondage with my old sins. However, breaking the sin of a critical heart and attitude was difficult. I would say that God has been working on that since I began diligently walking with Him in December of 1999, so that means MANY days of spending time in His Word and in prayer and MANY trials and tests that have taught me how to truly love others the way Christ loves them.
Initially, it was my nature to find fault in everyone. I had heard people say that we should focus on the good in people, and not the bad, but I didn't really know what that meant and there were some people I could not see ANY good in, so I didn't know what to focus on, but that was where I was immature. That was where I talked, thought, and reasoned like a child. God has fearfully and wonderfully made each person in His image. That means that you and I were woven together with specific gifts, talents, skills, and abilities that we are to use to bring glory to His name. Some people just haven't been shown love in their lives and they haven't been brought up in the teachings of God's truth, so they believe Satan's lies and they seem to treat others any way they want, instead of in love.
So, that was my problem. Matthew describes my childish mentality this way: "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye" (7:3-5). I was a hypocrite! The irony that I found in my attitude was that the faults and problems I saw in others were actually things that I did myself! That's why I was a hypocrite. That was a difficult truth for me to face--to clearly see the hypocrisy in my life. I hated hypocrites! (Ha ha! More irony!) When I was confronted with that fact, I knew I needed Jesus to help me and to purify my life so that I could be used by Him.
Consequently, I started to focus on my own problems, my own flaws. I started to read God's Word intently and pray for my areas of weakness. I prayed and memorized Scripture related to each weakness I had identified and recited it throughout the day. Very slowly as God changed me and helped me overcome my own areas of weakness and fault, God has shifted my paradigm. I no longer see others the way I used to see them when I was a child. I love people! I love learning about people, about their talents and skills and learning from them as well. God has created everyone so uniquely that no one else could have created us this way. God is perfect and has created each one of us to do great things in His name--He made no mistake when He made you and me.
The ultimate irony in this lesson is that when I followed the advice of Matthew to first take the plank out of my own eye before removing the speck from someone else's eye, I learned that removing the specks from other people's eyes isn't even important, nor is it what life is about. When we focus on our own planks, the specks in others' eyes get smaller and smaller. God taught me that life is about loving others through service. "Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." It is not up to us to change others, but just to love them. God will change them, and if there is someone in our lives that we think needs changing, pray. Pray to God for them. We need to diligently pray for our enemies, friends, neighbors, and family, then God will show us how to show them love effectively.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Speech As a Stumbling Block in the Home
One of the hardest and fiercest battles I fight in my life is against my tongue. It really does seem to be its own entity. In my mind, I don't want to say some of the things that come out of my mouth, but my tongue does otherwise. James, in the Bible, describes the tongue's character this way: "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts...the tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell...no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison...With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing" (James 3). I cannot tell you how many times that verse has convicted me. My tongue is a restless evil! As a Christ follower, how can I win the battle against it, then??
As God works within me to purify me and make me new each day, Satan is right there, too, fighting against Him. I can feel Satan's attacks in my life. Lately, he has used my tongue to attack my family. God has grown and matured me in many areas, but Satan seems to always know where we are weak. My husband and decided for me to quit my job to stay at home with the sole purpose of discipling our daughter. As her parents, we are around her the most and our lives are the ones that most need to reflect the life of our Savior. Recently, God has put my speech in the spotlight. I have noticed that my tone of voice and the words I speak to my family are not always in love. When I feel overwhelmed or sense a deadline approaching, I get stressed and start to take it out on my family, complaining about our situation, my daunting task list, or just life in general. Sometimes my words are "reckless and pierce my family like a sword," as Proverbs 12:18 describes, instead of "bringing healing" to my family.
During my devotion a couple of weeks ago, I was meditating on 2 Corinthians 6:3-7 and God showed me that Satan was using my speech as a stumbling block in our home. I am supposed to be discipling Nora-Kate and helping to raise her to be a godly woman, but that passage in the Bible tells me that if I put any stumbling block in her way (such as my speech), then our ministry will be discredited. Wow! To think that the entire reason for me staying at home could be discredited because of a lack of discipline in the area of my speech really stung. I am disciplined in so many other areas of my life, why can't I be disciplined to speak in love to my family at all times?
Since then, God and I have had to make some changes in me to help me become more disciplined in that area. First, God showed me that my speech originates way earlier than the time the words actually form on my tongue; my speech originates in my heart. Luke 6:45 says that my words are formed "out of the overflow of my heart." Wow--that's scary. If I were a stranger and heard the way I spoke at times, especially to my own family, I would think I was a bitter individual. My speech didn't reflect the love I felt for God or my family. So, the first thing that had to change was my heart, which meant I had to change my perspective. Instead of focusing on negative things, I focused on positive things. Instead of praying more for things/situations I didn't have, I started thanking God for EVERY blessing, small and big. Instead of focusing on what I see as weaknesses in my husband, I started encouraging him and praising his strengths (he has so many!), and when I started doing that, I started to see what an abundant life God has give me. Consequently, the joy, love, and happiness God put in my heart started to overflow into my speech and my attitudes. Praise God! Our home and conversations are so much more pleasant and are "full of grace and seasoned with salt" (Colossians 4:6) because we are focused on God and his unconditional love, mercy, and grace, and the many blessings He bestows in our lives on a daily basis. Our God is good and He always provides for His children. We don't have to be afraid or worry about anything, and I don't have to become ugly when I feel overwhelmed. I just have to rely on my God and communicate effectively to my family so they can help me though it.
As God works within me to purify me and make me new each day, Satan is right there, too, fighting against Him. I can feel Satan's attacks in my life. Lately, he has used my tongue to attack my family. God has grown and matured me in many areas, but Satan seems to always know where we are weak. My husband and decided for me to quit my job to stay at home with the sole purpose of discipling our daughter. As her parents, we are around her the most and our lives are the ones that most need to reflect the life of our Savior. Recently, God has put my speech in the spotlight. I have noticed that my tone of voice and the words I speak to my family are not always in love. When I feel overwhelmed or sense a deadline approaching, I get stressed and start to take it out on my family, complaining about our situation, my daunting task list, or just life in general. Sometimes my words are "reckless and pierce my family like a sword," as Proverbs 12:18 describes, instead of "bringing healing" to my family.
During my devotion a couple of weeks ago, I was meditating on 2 Corinthians 6:3-7 and God showed me that Satan was using my speech as a stumbling block in our home. I am supposed to be discipling Nora-Kate and helping to raise her to be a godly woman, but that passage in the Bible tells me that if I put any stumbling block in her way (such as my speech), then our ministry will be discredited. Wow! To think that the entire reason for me staying at home could be discredited because of a lack of discipline in the area of my speech really stung. I am disciplined in so many other areas of my life, why can't I be disciplined to speak in love to my family at all times?
Since then, God and I have had to make some changes in me to help me become more disciplined in that area. First, God showed me that my speech originates way earlier than the time the words actually form on my tongue; my speech originates in my heart. Luke 6:45 says that my words are formed "out of the overflow of my heart." Wow--that's scary. If I were a stranger and heard the way I spoke at times, especially to my own family, I would think I was a bitter individual. My speech didn't reflect the love I felt for God or my family. So, the first thing that had to change was my heart, which meant I had to change my perspective. Instead of focusing on negative things, I focused on positive things. Instead of praying more for things/situations I didn't have, I started thanking God for EVERY blessing, small and big. Instead of focusing on what I see as weaknesses in my husband, I started encouraging him and praising his strengths (he has so many!), and when I started doing that, I started to see what an abundant life God has give me. Consequently, the joy, love, and happiness God put in my heart started to overflow into my speech and my attitudes. Praise God! Our home and conversations are so much more pleasant and are "full of grace and seasoned with salt" (Colossians 4:6) because we are focused on God and his unconditional love, mercy, and grace, and the many blessings He bestows in our lives on a daily basis. Our God is good and He always provides for His children. We don't have to be afraid or worry about anything, and I don't have to become ugly when I feel overwhelmed. I just have to rely on my God and communicate effectively to my family so they can help me though it.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Drinking During Meals
I never drink when I eat. It is very rare that I will drink any liquid with my meals. I hate that at most restaurants, in order to get a meal or a deal, you have to buy a drink. I don't drink it. I don't drink at meals because I drink water throughout the day, so when it's time to eat, I don't want anything to drink; I just want to eat.
Along my Christian walk, I have been taught to pray. Prayer is a spiritual discipline and a very powerful tool that God equips us with to fight our enemy, the devil. Recently, I have come to the conclusion that my prayer life is very similar to the way I drink liquids. I talk to God throughout the day, so when it is time to sit down at the dinner table, my prayers are not long and drawn out with all of my cares and concerns. There are times when I set aside time to pray, when I just sit and talk and listen to God. Usually, those times come during a personal struggle, something I am wrestling with in my spirit. Those times are absolutely necessary in order for God to prune me, equip me with Scripture to fight the battle, or to talk to me, but those times are more powerful and more intense, I feel, because I talk to God throughout the day. I try to speak His Word during my day and pray His Word over myself, my family, my church family, and countless others continually. I pray whenever God brings a person or an issue to my mind. Those prayers are powerful and the repetition of the prayers, our perseverance, is powerful. We can move mountains through prayer. We can stir kingdoms and change lives through prayer. We have all the tools we need because God has given them to us, we just need to allow Him to teach us how to use them and have the faith that He will use them, too.
In 1 Thessalonians, chapter 5, Paul commands us to "pray continually" or "pray without ceasing," then in the following verse, he tells us to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I love that and I hold on to those verses together because if I am diligently praying for something and nothing is happening, then I continue to pray and, in the mean time, I give thanks for the circumstances that I am in because that is God's will for me. Practicing that kind of prayer life causes us to be completely dependent on God. It is so difficult to do that when I'm in a waiting period, which seems to be always. There always seems to be something I desire that I have to wait on and usually it's something that I cannot obtain on my own. So, I have to pray, wait on God, and trust Him to act in His perfect time. When my husband and I were so diligently praying for me to become a stay-at-home mom, I held on to those verses. We kept praying until we felt God's leading, but until then, we continued to give thanks for His will.
I recently read a book that my awesome church gave out to some of the volunteers called "Praying Circles Around Your Children." In it, author Mark Batterson, says that we have the tool of prayer, but we often stop short because we tire of praying (I am paraphrasing). He offered the illustration of the Israelites when they marched around the wall of Jericho as God commanded them to. They had to march around 7 times before the wall fell. In the book, Batterson poses the question, "What if the Israelites had stopped after the sixth round?" What if we stop praying right before God moves? We can't afford to do that. Our families, friends, communities, and nation can't afford for us to do that. Big things, God things, are worth waiting for and praying for, however long it takes.
Some people see the Christian acronyms of the 90s, such as WWJD? and F.R.O.G. as corny, but there is something to the one that spells P.U.S.H.--pray until something happens. That's what Paul urges us to do--keep praying until God moves or changes your heart. There is power in prayer! The more we immerse ourselves in prayer, the more we are relying on God and not ourselves.
Along my Christian walk, I have been taught to pray. Prayer is a spiritual discipline and a very powerful tool that God equips us with to fight our enemy, the devil. Recently, I have come to the conclusion that my prayer life is very similar to the way I drink liquids. I talk to God throughout the day, so when it is time to sit down at the dinner table, my prayers are not long and drawn out with all of my cares and concerns. There are times when I set aside time to pray, when I just sit and talk and listen to God. Usually, those times come during a personal struggle, something I am wrestling with in my spirit. Those times are absolutely necessary in order for God to prune me, equip me with Scripture to fight the battle, or to talk to me, but those times are more powerful and more intense, I feel, because I talk to God throughout the day. I try to speak His Word during my day and pray His Word over myself, my family, my church family, and countless others continually. I pray whenever God brings a person or an issue to my mind. Those prayers are powerful and the repetition of the prayers, our perseverance, is powerful. We can move mountains through prayer. We can stir kingdoms and change lives through prayer. We have all the tools we need because God has given them to us, we just need to allow Him to teach us how to use them and have the faith that He will use them, too.
In 1 Thessalonians, chapter 5, Paul commands us to "pray continually" or "pray without ceasing," then in the following verse, he tells us to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I love that and I hold on to those verses together because if I am diligently praying for something and nothing is happening, then I continue to pray and, in the mean time, I give thanks for the circumstances that I am in because that is God's will for me. Practicing that kind of prayer life causes us to be completely dependent on God. It is so difficult to do that when I'm in a waiting period, which seems to be always. There always seems to be something I desire that I have to wait on and usually it's something that I cannot obtain on my own. So, I have to pray, wait on God, and trust Him to act in His perfect time. When my husband and I were so diligently praying for me to become a stay-at-home mom, I held on to those verses. We kept praying until we felt God's leading, but until then, we continued to give thanks for His will.
I recently read a book that my awesome church gave out to some of the volunteers called "Praying Circles Around Your Children." In it, author Mark Batterson, says that we have the tool of prayer, but we often stop short because we tire of praying (I am paraphrasing). He offered the illustration of the Israelites when they marched around the wall of Jericho as God commanded them to. They had to march around 7 times before the wall fell. In the book, Batterson poses the question, "What if the Israelites had stopped after the sixth round?" What if we stop praying right before God moves? We can't afford to do that. Our families, friends, communities, and nation can't afford for us to do that. Big things, God things, are worth waiting for and praying for, however long it takes.
Some people see the Christian acronyms of the 90s, such as WWJD? and F.R.O.G. as corny, but there is something to the one that spells P.U.S.H.--pray until something happens. That's what Paul urges us to do--keep praying until God moves or changes your heart. There is power in prayer! The more we immerse ourselves in prayer, the more we are relying on God and not ourselves.
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