Loving Others Where They Are

God has laid a certain phenomenon on my heart and has allowed me to observe, over a long period of time, how it has played out in my life and in the lives of those around me.  I have noticed that I, and others in my life, only want to help people when it is on our terms or when it is convenient for us.  There are days when I am absolutely exhausted.  I am worn out from my duties as a mom, wife, and full-time school teacher and I just want to come home after picking up Nora-Kate from day care, sit down, and read books with her.  Sometimes, she wants to do that, too (she loves books), but other days she wants to go outside and ride in her car while Mommy pushes.  I have found myself, on the days when she wants to go outside and I literally feel like I am about to fall asleep, trying to get her to do what I want her to do, which is to read books or play a quiet activity.  This doesn't happen very often, but when it does, she gets frustrated because she wants to go outside and I get frustrated because I don't want to go outside.  Consequently, I came to the realization that playing quietly may not be what she wants, or what she needs to feel loved her.  Sadly, in those instances, I really just want to love on her and spend time with her according to my desires and not make the sacrifice to do what she wants to do.


I have seen this play out in my teaching career as well as my other relationships.  I want to help my students, but I tend to want to do it on my terms.  "God," I'll pray, "I really want to help this child, but he's just not seeing it my way" and I get frustrated at the child.  If I am getting frustrated at my child, my student, my husband, my friend, or other family members when they don't see things the way I see them, then I have to admit that the problem lies within me and not them.  The problem is with my own motives.  Clearly, I am not trying to help them or love them according to their needs, but only the way I am comfortable with showing them love. 


Radical love, which is normal love to Jesus, means stepping out of our comfort zone, forgetting our own needs and desires, and giving the other person whatever they need to know that we and Jesus love them passionately.  If we are trying to help someone or mentor them and we're getting frustrated with them, then I believe we need to check our motives.  The problem may be with the one who is "trying" to help them.  Jesus died on the cross for our sins, not because He felt like it, but because it was what we needed so that we could know TRUE LOVE.  He made the ultimate sacrifice for us, so I believe that I can make trivial sacrifices in my own life to show someone else I love them the way Jesus does.  This love does not come naturally to me, nor do I believe it comes naturally to any human because we are, by nature, selfish.  If it came naturally to us, Jesus wouldn't have had to tell His disciples in the book of John to "love one another.  Just as I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this, all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."  It is a love we have to work at perfecting and continue to learn from Jesus daily.

Myth Buster?

I have often heard it said that God will not give anyone more than they can handle.  That statement makes me cringe and my stomach churn because I don't see that concept anywhere in the Bible.  People often repeat that phrase when they're trying to comfort someone.  They say it because it makes us feel good, but that does not mean it is Scripturally based.  In my opinion, there are two reasons why people repeat that sentiment in the middle of a tragedy: one, they get it confused with 1 Corinthians 10:12-13, or two, they mean that with God's help we can face anything life throws at us.

If people are getting that statement confused with 1 Corinthians 10:12-13, which states "So, if you think you are standing firm, don't fall!  No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; He will not let be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it," we must be careful to consider what Paul is referring to in this Scripture.  He is referring to temptation and sin.  The verse states that no temptation can overtake us unless we choose to let it.  God's promise here is that He will always provide a way out of temptation so that we don't have to sin; we just have to seek His way out.  Making the choice to take God's escape route when faced with temptation makes us more like Him.

On the other hand, some people might mean that with God's help, we can face and handle anything that comes our way, no matter how rough, tough, or fierce it is.  No matter how hard the battle is, no matter how severely the storm rages, with God's help, we can and will overcome it.  The problem with stating that fact through the words "God will not give us more than we can handle" is that it could cause people to start to doubt God's faithfulness when they're in the midst of a storm they really feel they cannot handle.  It can cause people to turn away from the living and true God because we start to ask the question, "I thought you said God would never give me more than I could handle?  Well, I CAN'T handle this.  I'm not strong enough!"  When we are in a storm that shakes our world, that turns it upside down, and shakes the entire foundation of our lives, we really don't feel that we can handle it.  And we CAN'T!  That's why we need God's strength to get through it.  God will give us trials that we can't face alone; those are there to draw us closer to God and to rely on Him when we literally cannot see the next step in front of us (James 1:2-4).  When we have no idea which way to go or where we're going to get the strength to move, that's the PERFECT time to rely on God.  He is faithful; He is faithful through the good and tough times.  He has already won the battle, and if we are His followers, we have already won, too!

When my husband and I decided to step out on faith to follow God's leading me to be a stay-at-home mom, we had no idea where the money would come from.  We did not see an answer; we did not see the provision, but that's where faith came in.  It's not faith if we already have the answer.  We must put our faith in God 100% and trust Him when he asks us to step, leap, or dive forward.  We put our faith in Him and wait on His timing to provide just what we need right when we need it.  We will question things, such as situations and outcomes.  It's sort of natural to do that.  I know I am selfish by nature, so when I question God about why a certain situation or outcome occurs, it's because I am miserable or am experiencing discomfort.  His plan is perfect and I just have to continue to trust in His promises!

Want to Know What God's Will is for Your Life?

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then, you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing, and perfect will."  Romans 12:2

This is a pretty hefty verse and one that has literally transformed my life.  Before God took me to a place where He could teach me one-on-one and only He could grow me, I wanted to do things my way.  I wanted to live life my way and then ask God to save me when I messed up.  Thankfully, by His grace, He has saved me from a lot of messes I have gotten myself into, but I have learned that by spending time in His Word and prayer and being a DOER of the Word, that I can save myself a lot of heartache because He will lead me where He wants me to go.  I am not saying that the path He leads us on will always be easy and trial-free, but there is an overwhelming sense of joy and peace because you know He's with you, even through the hard times.

When Josh and I started praying for me to stay at home full time, we had no idea how or if everything would work out.  We expected a tangible answer, a concrete sign that we would be able to stay afloat financially if I quit my job.  We never got it while we were praying, but God did give us an overwhelming sense of His will.  He spoke to us, provided confirmation, and gave us a sense of peace that passes all understanding.  On paper, we would not make it on Josh's paycheck alone.  He had to have a different job or I had to continue to work, but we could not get past the fact that He was asking us to trust Him and step out on faith.  So, we did.  It wasn't until after we committed to the decision that I would stay at home full time after this school year that Josh got a new job.  We stepped out on faith because that's where God was leading us and He caught us and provided for us.  Even with Josh's new job, we have enough to pay the bills and some groceries.  No medical bills, no savings, no clothes, nothing extra.  We have no idea how God will provide, but we know His will and we know His promises.

First, God had to transform our thoughts.  Our minds had to be transformed, like He says in the verse above.  Our natural mind says we have to have the money first before I quit my job.  God says we don't.  God says all we have to do is trust Him.  In Luke, He promises that nothing is impossible with Him.  In Isaiah, He says "for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  The answer we were looking for was "our way," not God's way.  God works on faith.  Hebrews describes faith as "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  Josh and I were sure of what we hoped for (me staying at home) and certain of what we didn't see (the money).

A lot of people claim they don't know God's will for their lives, but they don't want to stop living according to their will.  No one will ever know someone else's will unless they get to know them.  Once God is able to transform our thinking, He can do great things through us. We don't have to have the answers we seek; we just have to trust Him.  "Without faith, it is impossible to please God because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He earnestly rewards those who seek Him" Hebrews 11:6.

If we are trying to discern God's will for our lives, then we must allow Him to transform our mind.  We must not conform any longer to the way the world lives, but be willing to live according to His Word, even though it means we're different.  He has only good things to give us (Romans 8:28).  He wants to bless us, but we have to have faith and trust that He will provide in His timing, not ours.  He wants us to live the abundant life that only He can provide (John 10:10)!

Nonextreme Couponing

After seeking God first, then seeking counsel from some amazing godly friends, this is what I've learned in my couponing journey thus far:

1.  Everything I do is for God's glory (Colossians 3:23, 1 Corinthians 10:31); that includes my work, parenting, being a wife, exercise, household chores, serving others, etc.--this includes couponing.

2.  Couponing should not consume my life, only God should (Ex. 20:3-4).

3.  I am not couponing to rip off stores or steal all the good deals from others.  I am doing it to help provide for my family and to be a good steward of the money God blesses us with (Luke 16:10).

4.  When I pray before making my grocery list and completing the shopping process, God is faithful.  He always provides the savings we need & He always shows me my mistakes so I can improve the next time.

5.  There needs to be a balance between saving money and eating healthy.  I am not going to buy all the "dirt cheap" grocery items just because they're a good deal if I don't think it's in the interest of my family's health.

During my first 2 weeks of couponing, I saved $70 and saved $85 the second 2 weeks (we shop every other week unless we see good deals between those times).  God is faithful in teaching me through His Word, great friends, and helpful websites and I am still learning how to maximize our money when it comes to groceries. :)  Thank you to everyone who is helping me learn how to glorify God in everything I do & I appreciate everyone's feedback as I learn this process.

Extreme Couponing

  For the past few years, I have seen people post pictures on Facebook, displaying the awesome deals that they earn from couponing.  Since I will be staying at home full time after this school year, the skill of couponing has intrigued me.  I want to be good at it.  I want to help my family save as much money as possible.  So, I decided to start a quest to be a successful couponer!  My first step was to seek counsel, so I emailed a couple of friends who are really good at it.  While waiting on their responses, I decided to take the initiative by reading blogs and watching tutorials on YouTube.  I saw videos of people who actually got paid for buying products.  One girl spent about $.27 on $98 worth of stuff.  I want to know how to do that.
     I understand that some women do it to honor and serve God financially through saving money for their families, which is why I want to do it, too.  I want to be faithful in my role as a stay-at-home mom.  I am not staying at home to sit around and enjoy the ride.  I have a job to do.  Along with raising Nora-Kate, I believe my job is to organize my home, make it functional, and save us as much money as possible.
     Anyway, last week, I decided to read blogs, watch tutorials, and do whatever I could to learn the art of couponing every night from 8-10.  I sacrificed my workouts and school work to learn how to coupon.  We had to make a shopping trip that week, so I took the advice I read on the blogs and used the weekly ads to plan our meals and grocery list.  Then, I proceeded to get my coupons together.  Once that was finished, I added up the cost so I would have a good idea as to how much to expect to spend once I got there.  I pulled all my coupons and packed up my weekly ads with my coupons.  Friday night I went shopping.  It was my first attempt at couponing.  I only saved us $70.  I spent the same amount that we normally spend; I was disappointed.  I was expecting this really awesome amount of savings, like I only spent $50 for $150 worth of groceries.  I guess I need more practice.
     After a week of studying the process of couponing, I have some questions I'm wrestling with.  I understand the concept of honoring God with my money, but what about my time and health?  It seems that the couponing process takes a lot of time.  Of course, it may not actually take that much time once I get practiced at it.  It also seems that the products I get the best deals on are not very healthy items, such as breakfast foods filled with sugar and potato chips.  I don't want my family to eat sugar for breakfast and snack on chips all the time.  I like our healthy meals.  I'm wondering if there is a balance in the whole thing.  The fact that it's called "extreme couponing" makes me a little skeptical.  The only thing I want to be extreme in is my relationship and love for Christ and others.  With everything else, there needs to be a balance so that it doesn't become an idol.  I did see some healthy foods on sale, though, such as cereal bars, healthy cereal, whole grain pasta, etc.  So maybe I just have a lot to learn.  Maybe once I get some practice and get used to the process, I will become quicker and quicker and save us more and more money. 
     If you have any comments or thoughts about the whole couponing thing in light of honoring God with your time and health, I would love to hear them.  Maybe it will help shed some light for me and give me a new perspective.  I'm looking forward to what I have to learn!

My Hero

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9


     If anyone has weaknesses, it is me!  I have struggled with weakness my whole life, just as everyone does, whether they like to admit it or not.  Some of my weaknesses, among many others, include a tongue that I can't keep in check, impatience when I can't get things accomplished, crankiness when I'm hungry or tired, selfishness, insecurity, and the list could go on.  The point is not to bash myself, but to lift up Jesus that much more because, despite the fact that I live in weakness, He wants to use me for His glory.  On my own, I will fail Him every day.  I have tons of positive qualities and talents that He's given me, which I try to use for His kingdom, too, but there is an overwhelming feeling of excitement and joy that overtakes me when there is a problem or situation that is too much for me to handle on my own and God takes over and saves the day.  I love it!  I delight in it!


     I am glad that I have weakness so that I can see God's amazing qualities and work that much more clearly.  I think this will be my family's anchor verse for this next phase in our lives.  There is no way that we can make one income work on our own.  We are too weak.  We can't make us have more money; additionally, we will be tempted to spend money when we need to save and, I am sure, make other financial mistakes along the way, some of which could be "costly."  It will be so important for us to stay in His Word, in prayer, and in counsel with those who are wiser and more knowledgeable about things than we are.   I cannot wait for God to show up and see how He is going to provide for us and move in ways we never thought imaginable!


     One of my co-workers, after I told the gang that I wasn't returning the next school year, said "Look at you!  You're glowing, you're so happy!"  I told her that the glow was not from the fact that I get to stay at home with Nora-Kate (although that makes me INCREDIBLY happy!), but the glow was from knowing that the only way we will survive is by God showing up and providing.  I love it when He is all we have because HE IS ALL WE NEED!

A Faith Journey

Well, finally, I can share with the world that I will be a stay-at-home mom at the end of this school year.  Thanks to God and His answer to prayer, we have made the decision for me to stay at home because we know that is the next calling on my life.

I strive to live my life according to God's plan. I felt Him calling me to be a teacher (I had no desire to be a teacher on my own) and I felt Him leading me to the school where I currently teach. Because I followed where He led, I met my husband, worked with some of the best colleagues anywhere, worked with some of the greatest students, and have grown tremendously in my walk with Christ.

The decision that Josh and I are making for me to stay at home was very difficult. I have had conversations with several people about finances—about how to afford vacations and how any family can live off of one income with our world's current economic status. I had those conversations because I felt God tugging on my heart to stay at home full time, but I didn't see how we could afford it, so I started asking people questions. However, God taught me something unexpected. He taught me that, where it is good to seek counsel (Proverbs 20:18, 12:15), I am also living a life of faith. Faith means that I don't have the answer before I make a move. Otherwise, it's not faith. He's also taught me to completely and unashamedly rely on Him for everything in my life and He has never let me down. So, when I asked people financial questions, they gave me good advice, but I could never find the answer as to how to make the calling on our life (me to stay at home full time) into a reality. Our numbers didn't add up on paper. We knew that He was asking us to make this move and have faith that He would provide, so we have to do that. Even if He chooses not to provide for us, that's His choice and we will still praise Him because He is good no matter what happens to us.

Working at JCHS allowed me to learn two main things. One, I am not here for myself. This life is not about me. It's about others and helping them. My co-workers have seen me make many mistakes and I will make plenty more as I work as a stay-at-home mom, something I have no idea how to do, but that's how I learn--from the errors I make. We grow exponentially when we make mistakes and learn from them. I never mind making mistakes and I don't mind that people see me fall.  I do, however, get upset if I don't learn from my mistakes and do better the next time.

The other thing I've learned is that nothing I put my hand on to accomplish apart from God will succeed. I have been fairly successful at my teaching job because God was with me. If I continued teaching next year, I wouldn't be successful because it's not where God wants me. As much as I love my job and my co-workers, I have to make this move for personal reasons. I have a daughter who needs me and a God Who is asking me to trust Him, so I am planning to act. Maybe one day, I will teach again in the public education arena, but I will always do whatever I feel like God is asking me to do because I will never succeed on my own.  I am held accountable to my Father and I cannot face Him in eternity one day and tell Him that I didn't follow His call because I didn't have faith for Him to provide what we needed, even though that is one of His many precious promises in His Word (Philippians 4:19).

I am so excited about the new chapter in my life.  I am excited to see God show up, the ways He will provide, and the acts He will accomplish through our lives.  When He is in control, everything is possible!  I know that we will see abundantly more than anything we could ever ask for or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).  I am excited about being led to a place where I have nothing else to lean and rely on besides Him.  He is everything we need!